


Edgy Dad: The dark side has cookies.

by CrazyM



Series: Domestic animals. [3]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, edgy dads, mama Mercy, overprotective 76, reaper is a baking legend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 05:56:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13541154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyM/pseuds/CrazyM
Summary: Dad 76 had managed to keep the kids off Uncle Reaper for a long time.Until they found out that Reaper knows how to bake.





	Edgy Dad: The dark side has cookies.

Mercy sneezed and pulled the covers in tighter. She gratefully accepted a box of tissues from Jack. She took one out and blew her nose into it. Behind him, Reaper stood tall, hands crossed over his chest.

"Ironic." He said. "She could save others from disease but not herself."

76 and Mercy stared at him. 76 shook his head. 

"And you tell me my jokes are bad."

Mercy raises her eyebrow. Reaper would have raised his too, if he had them.

"What about the food? Jack is not cooking oatmeal again." Reaper said firmly. It was true that the team would kill to eat anything else.

"How about Chinese takeout?" Mercy proffered.

"No! No one is eating that oily, deep-fried crap." 76 retorted.

Mercy raised eyebrows again. Reaper sighed.

"I have an idea" Reaper said, and vanished into thin air before 76 could protest.

______________________________

Everyone noticed Reaper arriving but no one reacted. Just like they were with 76 leaving the house wordlessly.

"Hey kids" He greeted, while gliding to the kitchen in a cloud of smoke.

"Hey Reap" The team replied, not looking up. Symmetra was busy with a Rubik's cube, Tracer was reading a magazine, Winston was mulling over Popular Science mag, McCree was cleaning peacekeeper (again), Zarya was curling weights at the edge of the sofa, Mei was tinkering with snowball, Sombra was hacking into the neighbors' wi-fi, Lucio was jamming away on a launchpad, and Widowmaker was outsmarting Junkrat and Roadhog in a game of chess. Hanzo and Genji were probably sparring outside, if the clangs and hi-yahs were any indication.

Reaper started going through the groceries to gather materials but he couldn't find anything, thanks to the labels, which were written in German. He disappeared from the kitchen and reappeared in Mercy's room moments later.

"Ziegler!" He called out.

"Holy s-" She jumped, but caught herself in time. "What is it?" she asked, pulling out another tissue and throwing the one in her hand on the growing pile beside the nightstand.

"I can't find the stuff. Can't you write in _english_?" he enquired.

Mercy sighed. She pulled out a notepad and pencil from the nightstand drawers and wrote off the English translations to the labels.

"Here, this should do" she said, but then sneezed onto the piece of paper.

Reaper picked the paper up with his index finger and thumb. Mercy went red, the back of her left hand covering her nose. Reaper flapped the paper. He was physically incapable of falling sick, but he was careful anyway. He disappeared, and the paper fell slowly towards the ground, dancing in still air. He reappeared again, and swatted the piece of paper mid-flight.

"Sorry" He said, and disappeared _with_ the translations this time.

Armed with materials, he set to cooking. By the time he dropped the last of the preparations into the oven, a delicious smell wafted towards the living room. Heads moved in the direction of the kitchen.

"Who's cooking?" Tracer raised her head and asked, sniffing.

"Not 76 by the looks of it." Widowmaker said without raising her head. Lucio leaned to see into the kitchen and recoiled in shock.

"Its Reaper. In an apron." Lucio croaked.

The whole team gasped.

Hanzo and Genji walked in and Hanzo stopped as soon as the aroma hit his nose. He looks into the kitchen, gasps and tiptoes into the living room.

"Reaper's-" Hanzo whispered

"We know" They whispered back.

"He's wearing a-" 

"WE KNOW!" They hissed.

Genji looks at the chess game, makes a move from the Aussies' side and checkmates Widowmaker. She flips the board in exasperation and folds her arms over her chest.

Reaper poked his head out of the kitchen.

"Assemble." He stated and withdrew his head. The team took their positions on the table without a word.

Reaper walks in from behind, balancing four pies in one hand and four pies in the other. And then hell breaks loose.

"PIE PIE PIE PIE PIE!" he hisses, throwing one pie perfectly to each member. He disappears and comes back with some more and continues to bombard pies until everyone has one.

"But I'm-" Winston starts and Reaper disappears. He reappears with a tray of cookies topped with sliced bananas and peanut butter. Winston catches the words written on his apron.

COME TO THE DARK SIDE. WE HAVE COOKIES.

"Screw gluten free diet." Winston says, and takes an armful.

Everyone has their mouths lolled open.

"Eat." Reaper orders. Everyone takes an experimental bite.

The room soon explodes with words like Tasty, wow and holy moly. Junkrat and Roadhog eat slowly for the first time in their lives and almost roll off the chair in appreciation. Everyone starts eating in earnest and then 76 enters with armful of takeout in either hand.

"Hey kids I-" he stops when he looks at the sheer amount of calories being consumed with relentless enthusiasm. Reaper turns to him and he positively looks happy behind the mask. 76 catches Reaper's apron from the Blackwatch times. The takeout drops from his arms and he stares on, but no one turns to acknowledge him. Reaper's legs turn to smoke and he glides up the stairs with the remaining cookies in his hands. 76 bolts like a runner and takes the stairs like lightning. He reaches just in time to see Mercy pick up a cookie and take a bite.

"Holy sh-" she gasps, catches 76's glare and stops. "This is really good!" She says after swallowing.

76 crushes a cup of takeout in his hands and the contents of the cup splatter outwards like an egg hitting the floor. He breaks the chopsticks into little pieces and throws them at Reaper, which passes through him.

______________________________

After tasting his pies, Reaper is at the center of family attention. Everyone wants to know how he bakes so well or just be around him so that they get better food. Soon he's joining everyone's plans and everyone talks to him too. He becomes uncle Reaper from just Reap.

One day, with the older Overwatch members in the living room, Reaper decided to crack a joke.

"Why is Jack's number 76?" He asks.

"Why?" Tracer, Winston, McCree, Hanzo and Genji ask, all at once.

"Because its 69 with seven people watching." He says.

Everyone legitimately bursts into laughter.

upstairs, 76 cries into Mercy's lap with Mercy stroking his head. His knees are up to his chest.

"He took my place" 76 almost sobs.

"Shh shh shh. Its okay." She coos. "You are still dad to them."

Mercy picks up a cookie from a tray on the nightstand stashed away from 76's sights and nibbles into it while consoling him.


End file.
